Last Name Limbo

WATANABE: A name riddled with so many vowels, telephone solicitors often ask if I am Native American.

Now I know why women had no problem changing their names in the 1950's. Beaver Cleaver's mother didn't work out side of the home. She probably never applied for a social security card. There was no reason to. I, on the other hand am realizing what a pain it is to be traditional, and take my new husband's name. This is just 1/4th of the ID's that I will have to change-

My mother’s maiden name, Watanabe, is the 5th most common surname in Japan. I grew up in St. Louis in a time when there were very few Japanese families and yet there were four other Watanabes in the 2-inch thick Southwestern Bell White Pages; a dentist, a violinist, a conductor and one other that I never met. Watanabe is considered the “Smith” of Japan, and so common that my mother’s oldest sister married an unrelated man also named Watanabe. Everyone knows at least one Watanabe and thorough out my life, I have been asked if I have a brother, father, uncle, aunt, etc who is an actor (Ken- Last Samuri or Gedde- Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles) a fashion designer (Junya), a musician (Sadao- soprano saxophone), a Yakuza “Godfather” (Yoshinori), a Peruvian Poet (Jose), an artist (Mikio- who does mezzotints or Hiroshi- photographer of kabuki), a feminist activist (Mina- works with Amnesty International) or an architect (Jin, Hiroshi, or Makoto).

In most eastern cultures, the surname always proceeds the given name, placing more importance on the clan than on the individual, so when I moved to the US my identity as an individual became more pronounced the further I moved away from my roots, culture and the Watanabe family.


Migiwa, my given name, is a phrase lifted from Psalm 23, literally meaning “beside the sill waters”. In Japanese, it is written in hiragana, because the uncommon name was too complex for the government officials and clerks who worked at the town office in the small island farm community where I was born, and they could not figure out how to write it in the usual kanji, or Chinese characters. Apparently they first refused to register it as an official name. My mother’s explanations of the Song of David from the Bible fell on deaf ears in the room full of Buddhist and Shinto clerks. So they compromised and spelled it with the easier, and more poetic Japanese writing system.

The origin of my family name is related to a profession as are most, and means ‘one who crosses the ocean to carry people and products by boat.’ My mother’s mother’s maiden name- Murakami comes from a pirate that collected tax from ships which crossed the Seto Inland Sea. I will be visiting that same Seto Sea this year with a different surname.

I am anticipating this change, and run home every day to open up an empty mailbox, and every day I am dissapointed when the official envelope containing the documents which will enable me to be the next Mrs. Spiller doesn't appear.

When I send out e-mails from my new Mrs. Spiller address, I automatically go into my friends spam box. I tell my students I am currently between last names.

Fifteen years ago (or so) I changed my identity from this:


to this:


and now i'm waiting for the next incarnation...

Formal Portraits

We decided to take our formal portraits before the wedding.
This way we could begin celebrating and drinking straight after the ceremony.
Our friend Marty, the photographer, http://www.martyheitnerphotography.com/
made Harley turn around as I came into the photo shoot,
so that there could be a sense of surprise.
These pictures show the moment just before and after Harley sees me for the first time....
He couldn't believe the transformation -- beyond anything he had anticipated.

With Family

Me and the Kimono Ladies.
(L-R Hatsume, Mikako, Me, Okaasan (mother), & Toshiko.

With Parents.

The Spillers and Underwoods.

My personal bests.

Harley and his best men.

Our best men, women and friends

The whole wedding group

My new husband and his proud father- Mortimer aka "Mordecai".

Thank you to our fabulous friend Marty Heitner for our lovely photos!

Photos by our NY Times photographer: lora Spiller

Mort and Phillip toasting the couple.

The smiling kimono ladies:

(L-R) my proud mother, Toshiko-obachan, Hatsumi-obachan and Mikako-obachan, who flew on an airplane for the first time in her life to attend the celebration.

My best man getting a lesson:

tying a bow tie is harder than it looks.

lora Spiller and master Phillip Underwood, the best boy.

Japanese Translation of the Ceremony

本日このよき日に　ここに集まっていただきました皆様の立会いの下で、新郎Harley と新婦みぎわは、永遠の誓いをたて、結婚をいたします.

結婚とはお互いを愛し、信じ、末永くパートナーとして受け入れることです。
このことを皆様にお約束します。

人を愛する事は　人生この上ない喜びであり、私たちの人生に深みを与えてくれます。その時、夫婦愛は最高の喜びに変わり、思いやり、助け合いながらお互いを高めあうことになります。また、日々の生活を共にし、それぞれの出来事を報告し合う喜びは愛し合う夫婦にとってとても重要になります。

また、結婚とは価値観を共有し、喜びも悲しみもともに分かち合うことです。
それにより、結婚生活が充実しお互いへの理解が高まるとともに、夫婦それぞれも成長していかなければなりません。

人を深く知るということは短期間ではなされず、長い年月を経て築き上げられるものです。そしてその相手への理解は思いやりと変わり、相手を真から解ってあげようと努力するようになります。

そのことによって喜びや成功だけではなく、時には悲しみや失敗などの重みを荷なうこともあります。

相手の問題や心配事を理解し和らげられるという事は何事にも代えられぬすばらしいことです。

結婚とは相手を尊重し、また一方でお互いを認め合うことでなくてはいけません。
お互いに愛を与えていかなければなりませんが、それと同時にそれぞれの個性を失ってしまってはお互いの個性に引かれ合って一緒になった意味がありません。

バランスのとれた良い関係とは、一方的な自己主張をして相手を黙らせ、わがままを言い合うものであってはなりません。

自立した自分自身と、夫婦としの自分との交互の役割のなかで、強くかつデリケートな愛を育くんで行かねばなりません。
本日皆様に集まっていだだいたのは、みぎわとHarleyの永遠の誓いを承認し祝福していただくためです。この結婚という絆により、今二人は一緒に成ろうとしております。

みぎわとHarleyは全くちがった環境で育ち、それぞれに洗練されたプライドを持っております。２人のその違いが個性的で楽しい結婚生活を作り出すことと信じております。お互い独自の個性を生かし初めて強い絆が生まれると固く信じております。

そしてお互いよりいっそう努力し、よりよい家庭を築いて参ります。

これから皆様と一緒に新郎新婦の誓いの言葉を交わすのをお聞きして頂きます。

Bill of Fare

This is the cover of our "menu" for the evening

Ketuba

The traditional Jewish marriage certificate is called a ketuba. Arising out of 5th C b.c.e. Egyptian marriage deeds, ketubot (pl.) specify the obligations of a husband to his wife. The ketuba is a legal document originally formulated to protect a Jewish bride from financial hardship in troubled times. At 2000 years old, ketubot are among the first documents conferring legal status and financial rights to women.

In my art studio in Brooklyn’s “Dumbo” neighborhood (an acronym for Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass), I recently began a series of contemporary illuminated manuscripts. I made our ketuba by hand, incorporating ancient features that illustrate the different characteristics of the bride and groom (such as Ionic and Doric columns) and added modern touches like a bowl of popcorn, the our favorite snack. There are also hometown flags, and an illustrated map of places we’ve visited or dream of seeing together. The ketuba will be signed by the me, Harley, Rose Teitelbaum (my adopted Jewish Grandmother, and Mort Spiller (Harley's Father).

Wedding Fog

check out erik's video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftqjKaxs5KY